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He Could Be It!


Over the past 4-months I’ve developed a wonderful friendship with a man who happens to be a neighbor. We have so much in common. There is such ease and comfort in our friendship, and as a bonus, he and my son adore one another. I’m definitely falling in love with him. I asked him once, with all the time we spend together, and all that we have in common, why is it that we aren’t “a thing.”

All I got in return was the deer in headlights look with a jumbled response about how important I am to him. That I’m the main person in his life. How lonely he was before, but friends. I haven’t directly told him that I have feelings for him beyond a friendship. And, beyond innocent flirting, we are clearly friends. However, I do wonder how I should progress. He could be It!


Dear He Could Be It!,

He could indeed, and he is a perfectly wonderful, kind, caring, attentive FRIEND.

Pressing him to be more than what he is currently capable of, or desires to be, is not advisable. Like in every great play, the climax and resolution occur in the third act. Allow your friendship to mature and grow. Nurture it free of ulterior motives, hidden agendas, and attachments to an outcome.

In doing so, you will see whether this man is a romantic “the one” person or an equally important “really great guy who happens to be your friend” person. Often, we can inadvertently place our desires for love and affection on an unsuspecting target, only to realize later that it was a classical case of transference.

If this man has feelings for you, beyond the boundaries of platonic friendship, time will bring them to the surface. In the meantime, enjoy the friendship-relationship for what it is, a beautiful exchange between souls. Go about your business and your life appreciating the gift of this man’s presence in your and your son’s lives.

Companionship is a lovely offering regardless of the form it takes. You need not define, limit, or kill it unnecessarily. Allow life to unfold naturally, organically, and see where it takes each of you. Be honest and truthful with how you feel, making room for his truth and honesty to coexist as well. Acceptance of what is, is key.

You may end up together or find yourselves in completely different places. Regardless, the point will have been the journey.

Enjoy the journey!