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Why Won't He Let Me Go
- LOVE
- DATING/RELATIONSHIPS
- ACCOUNTABILITY/RESPONSIBILITY
DearJames,
I’ve loved the same man for eight years. He is my son’s father and we’ve been through him cheating early in the relationship, death, moving, drug addiction (both of us), and him being jailed. He never leaves me alone for long, even when we are split up, 6-hours apart, and two states away. He always texts and calls every couple of months telling me he loves me, and he misses me.
We were apart for two years and he came to visit me, and it was like no time had passed at all. When he held me, hugged me, and kissed my forehead, it felt right in my heart, like love. He stayed three days longer than planned and missed those days of work because he didn’t want to leave and I didn’t want him to either. He left at 2a.m. so he could make it to court at 8 a.m., and I haven’t heard from him since, not a word.
I don’t think he went to jail but I’m honestly not sure. He had court with the girl he was dating while we were split up. If he doesn’t love me then why won’t he let me go? And if he does love me then why would he put me through the hell he has? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Mandy
Dear Why Won't He Let Me Go,
You’ve been through a lot together, there’s no doubt about that. However, it’s not about why he won’t let you go or why he is putting you through hell. Rather, it is about why have you not let him go. Why are you putting yourself through hell. Why have you not said goodbye and meant it.
Saying goodbye is never easy, and certainly so when you still have feelings for someone. That said, at some point it’s important to realize that this on-again off-again ongoing romance isn’t stable or sustainable. It doesn’t mean you can’t love and care about one another, it just means you need to put a period at the end of the sentence.
Just like substance abuse, relationships can be addictive. In this instance, beyond the shared upbringing of a child, familiarity and a shared past is clouding your judgment. It’s great that you’ve moved forward and separated yourself both by time and distance, however, now you need to separate yourself mentally and emotionally.
No doubt love can be a tricky thing to navigate, until it’s not. A healthy relationship starts within. Somewhere in the back of your mind you believe you are not whole and complete or only whole and complete with this man. Neither is true. There is a belief present that you need saving, fixing, and he is your go to salve and solution.
Until you come to terms with this truth and resolve them, layer by layer, you remain susceptible to the past. Life is about moving forward, even when it may feel like you are moving backward. The point of the lesson is to discern your way forward. Be resolute and persevere. Be fluid not fixed. Wield your innate empowerment, wisdom, strength and ability with laser-like precision and focus.
See your future through your eyes, not his.
He will always reach out to you if you leave the door of possibility open. Close it, and you both move on. Convenience and familiarity are not love.
Determine the direction you want your life to go and then stick to the course. Kindly convey your truth with grace, gratitude, and honesty. If being with him under these circumstances is your truth, so be it. If it is not your truth, affirm what is so you make space to receive it.
The you, you want to be, exists, you’ve just had a hard time finding and trusting her. She’s in there. You simply must allow her to come out into the light and shine to experience the life you long for.