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Wouldn't Have Married Him
- SPOUSE/PARTNER/SIGNIFICANT OTHER
- DECISION/INDECISION
- BREAKUP/SEPARATION/DIVORCE
DearJames,
My husband of two years has anger issues. He played a good game, but now that we are married, the true him is coming through. He says we are culturally different. I have always worked for what I have, and he uses people. I’m trying to decide whether to send him packing back to New Mexico, but he said he left his comfort zone. I don’t know, all I do know is he is not what he pretended to be. If he had been this way, I wouldn’t have married him.
Anonymous
Dear Wouldn't Have Married Him,
Hit the road Jack and don’t you come back no more, no more, no more, no more. Hit the road Jack. These lyrics sprang forth out of my head faster than I could type them.
Immediately followed by Count your Blessings and thank your Lucky Stars that you see this man and the current circumstances for what they are…a serious wake-up call to send him packing.
While he may have “played a good game,” he was indeed showing you exactly who he was all along. You need only look back at all the little things you let slip by you as you looked the other way.
People are always showing us who they really are, and we should BELIEVE THEM. Whether he is in or out of his comfort zone is not your concern. You just need to be calm and confident in your request for him to leave.
As you have stated that he has “anger issues” take reasonable measures and precautions to ensure your safety when addressing the issue of separation, divorce and his imminent departure from your shared home.
For whatever reason, you attracted this man into your life. And once you have safely and properly removed him from it, you need to take a serious look inside yourself to discern why.
What within you drew this person to you? What lessons were you to learn from him and his negative behavior? This is not a statement of blame the victim, on the contrary, we all shoulder the responsibility of our individual actions, inactions, feelings, words, behavior, and intentions. Thus we all co-create our realities and must accept responsibility for them.
My sense is that you were looking to be saved, in some form or another, and this slick, suave smooth talking man walked right in the front door as he swept you off your feet.
The problem with all of that is that you failed to realize and understand your true intentions and your own feelings of lack. Thus you invited him “in” so-to-speak.
Be thankful for the knowledge that you now know this isn’t the right man for you and have the courage and strength to undo, what seriously needs to be undone. Then commit yourself to delving deeper within yourself to discover or uncover what led you to make these choices in the first place.
The truth lies within you. Once you find it, you’ll be whistling the above tune for a long time to come.