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Selective Amnesia


Why is it when I need help, people who I’ve helped in the past get selective amnesia and forget that I was there for them? Why do I continually let myself be used by people? Please help me.


Dear Selective Amnesia,

Every experience and person you encounter in your life is a mirror that allows you to see yourself more clearly. They are characters in your own soul-created play, playing the role your soul asked them to play so that you would learn and transcend a particular issue.

There are no victims, only participants in simultaneous plays of experience, choice, and opportunity.

Who have you invited into your life and why? What are your conscious or unconscious motives and intentions in each experience, with each person? What does your soul desire to learn and experience by their presence Where are you giving your power away and why? If there is an ongoing imbalance in these relationships, why do you continue to participate? What is the motive behind your assistance?

Investigate these questions thoroughly and be willing to be brutally honest with yourself. Look inwardly first for your answers before looking outwardly at others. This affords you great clarity, understanding, and wisdom. It allows you to see where you are out of alignment with yourself. Again, they are only a mirror reflecting what you need to experience, learn, and transcend.

When you do, you will see yourself in each relationship. The role you play, the role they play, the thoughts, intentions, actions, and beliefs that led you to them and the reasons why you continue to befriend them when they demonstrate their friendship is a one-way exchange.

Usually, a simple heart-to-heart discussion remedies a grievance. Other times it becomes abundantly clear that who you are and who they are not compatible, and it’s time to release them and move forward with grace and ease.

People only treat you the way you allow them to. If you are not willing to call people out on their insufficient behavior, you cannot earnestly expect them to behave differently. And, as the late great American poet Maya Angelou said, “when people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”

Do not allow other people’s behavior to change who you are or how you show up in the world. That said, also be mindful to not give of yourself naïvely, believing that others will automatically reciprocate and assist you as you have them.

Not everyone plays by the same rules and courtesies in life. There truly are givers and takers in the world, so discernment is crucial. Much of what you are experiencing comes down to a lack of discernment on your part and a belief that somehow you are not good enough – worthy of better.

You are stronger and more likable and lovable than you give yourself credit. You do not need this form of relationship, unless you believe you do. When earnest discussion does not remedy the insufficient behavior, and they continue to demonstrate they are not capable of or willing to reciprocate in-kind have the courage to sever ties and walk away.

By pruning your own life garden, you make room for beautiful varieties to bloom and grow. To yield a higher caliber garden, you must first be willing to demonstrate, cultivate, and reflect it yourself. You must be willing to set both the example and the boundaries you are willing to accept.

All of this is predicated on the principle of treating others as you would have them treat you. Make sure you operate from a place of purity. Purity in your actions, thoughts, and intentions. What others do or don’t do is a reflection of their character, not yours.

And lastly, when you do assist others, do so because you genuinely desire to do so. Have no ulterior motives and zero expectation of receiving anything in return unless it has been agreed to otherwise. You’ll be the wiser for it, as those who fail to measure up fall by the wayside.