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Need To Move On
- ABUSE/ABANDONMENT/NEGLECT
- ADDICTION
- STARTING OVER
DearJames,
I got pregnant in 2001 by a man I thought was the real deal. From the time I learned of the pregnancy he was in denial along with his mother who has never stayed out of our relationship. Being raised by my grandparents, I had no choice but to go and live with this man, who is now my husband. I thought he’d see who I am and see the bright artistic loving individual I have been. Through the years, he has put me through some of the worst days of my life. After my second pregnancy, I gave in and married him. He never changed, and instead got worse, and so did his mother.
They have put so much on me, even accidents where I’ve had to be on pain medication that I don’t want to take. Every time I try to stop, I get sick. I feel this pain medication is taking its toll. I’ve had a third child and want to move on, but I have no money. He won’t legalize my car and my physical energy is completely drained. I see my children struggling and my husband has grown physically violent.
I have been studying stone healing, herbal remedies, and energy healing. I cannot even ground myself. I feel if I continue to stay that my children will eventually be someone they don’t deserve to be. Their father claims he’s king, makes fun of my studies, and I don’t know what to do anymore.
I believe in myself, but he is one to really fear as he makes ammo for a living and has a concealed carry. He says things about my life and taking it, and I have no family but gram and mom, who are both dying. What can I do? I want this medication out of my body immediately so I can gain strength. I’m stuck in this house for months at a time and I’m only 32-years old.
Anonymous
Dear Need To Move On,
Having chosen to escape from one place of unhappiness to another during your younger years, the chickens of that one decision have come home to roost.
This is a very complex and tangled situation, one made more so by the dominance, control, and abusive nature of your spouse and his mother. They are not alone in this dereliction, as early on, you gave away your power and continued to give it away.
That single act of abdication on your part, and the need to be saved, rescued, and/or loved, placed you on a collision course with these unhealthy, unconscious people. No soul is ever meant to suffer, thus the lesson and opportunity here, is one of self-love, self-value, self-worth, and self-empowerment.
To overcome these deficiencies, you’re going to need assistance, both personal and professional.
Co-dependence on the pain medication has become an addiction, and with that addiction comes notable side effects both in continued use of the drug and physical withdrawal reactions from its chemical components. This is why you become physically ill and depleted when you try to stop as your body has become dependent on them.
To rid yourself of any addiction and dependence you may have on these medications, you must go through a medically monitored detoxification. After such prolonged substance use, it is crucial you do not attempt the detoxification process without proper medical assistance. The possibility of severe side-effects triggered by the withdrawal process is common and professional medical practitioners are your best option to manage the process.
Once you are no longer physically addicted to the medication, you will naturally begin to lighten and feel better. With time, greater conscious awareness, stamina, and clear decision-making will return.
All the above sounds daunting and impossible to achieve until it doesn’t. You need only take the first step.
The step of believing your life matters and has great value.
The step of calling a friend or family member to ask for help.
The step to find and confidentially contact a women’s shelter.
The step to speak with a community-based free clinic that offers medical assistance and/or referral.
The step to find professional medical drug addiction withdrawal services.
The step to find professional counseling services.
The step to find ongoing housing and assistance through community-based and/or non-denominational faith-based programs or outreach.
The step of knowing and believing there is a way out.
Have the courage and conviction to take whatever steps are necessary to extract yourself from your current situation and the recurring habits you have formed.
Fear will lurk in the shadows until you shine a bright light upon its face, forever transmuting its hold over you into calm confidence, inspired action, peace, clarity, and greater wisdom and opportunity. Be vigilant in your pursuit. Investigate your options. Release yourself from this self-imposed prison.
When the time comes, strike with the strength and resolve of your eternal soul and never look back. Sever the ties with your past by leading every present moment with the love and wisdom of your soul for your soul will never betray you. Your ego-mind-personality has proven it will.
Love yourself enough. Love yourself more. Make these challenging life choices a reality; a reality worthy of the inner being you already are and have been all along.
Should you or someone you know need help, please contact one or more of the following entities for further information and assistance.
SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration www.samhsa.gov
National Domestic Violence Hotline www.thehotline.org
US Human Services Assistance www.usa.gov/benefits