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I'm Tired
- BREAKUP/SEPARATION/DIVORCE
- COMMUNICATION/MISCOMMUNICATION
- ACCOUNTABILITY/RESPONSIBILITY
DearJames,
I have written to you once before. The charade is still going on. I want to separate from my husband of 12-years, however, he said that he loves me and wants to work on things. I am not interested anymore after he blames me for what has happened between us. I was texting my ex-boyfriend from high school (over 24-years ago), 5-years ago, and he is still holding that against me. The sex and intimacy are almost down to nothing. I don’t want this to be a factor every time we have a disagreement. He told me that I shouldn’t have anything to say, because of what I did. What should I do? I’m tired!
Ready to Leave
Dear I'm Tired,
The rose has been off the bloom for some time now. Why do you continue to stay without making meaningful progress?
It takes two to tango and this arrangement has been a stale dance for far too long.
It’s one thing if both of you were earnestly committed to:
Working through your differences
Seeking couples and individual counseling
Communicating openly and honestly
Leaving the past in the past
Embracing the future by loving and respecting one another
But you aren’t and/or you certainly have not chosen to do so.
You’re both committed to the same old routine of torment and torture, complacency, and complaint.
And that gets you nowhere fast while subsequently piling up yet more anger, resentment, frustration, doubt, and debilitation.
COMMIT TO REHABILITATE OR MOVE-ON!!!
No one likes a recurring drama, least of all the people mired in it.
You both want vindication not victory.
The place you face today is the direct result of both of you having made the decisions you made, years ago, to come together as a couple, when you knew you shouldn’t have.
He wasn’t the one for you, he was safe, and now you’re sorry.
You weren’t the one for him, you were needy and co-dependent, and now he’s unappreciative and standoffish.
The faster you each come to realize, own, and accept the truth, the faster each of you will begin to heal and find happiness.
Life isn’t a charade, and dwelling on the past diminishes the value of time, which is a priceless commodity.
It’s time to get it right, together, or alone.
Regardless of which one you choose you both need to face the reality you’ve collectively created.