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I Know the Truth
- ADDICTION
- ACCOUNTABILITY/RESPONSIBILITY
- LIFE DIRECTION/PURPOSE
DearJames,
I am a mother of four children. I don’t have custody of my three boys. I have an eleven-month old daughter with me. My life has been a roller coaster of addiction and uncertainty and my upbringing was not good.
My mother was an alcoholic and I was neglected as a young girl, so I know I have a lot of issues. I have faith in God and believe in Jesus Christ. I live with my daughter’s father, and we have been together for three years. I am honestly surprised we are still together.
He is a thoughtful, caring man, but there is something I can’t quite understand regarding how he is towards me. He shuts me out, but with everyone else he is freely open. It’s like he refuses to connect with me in a way a real relationship is supposed to.
Overall, he has always shown he doesn’t respect or value time with me. I want to know if he is just using me for his own convenience, as that is how I feel. I feel he exhibits narcissism.
I pretty much know the truth, but I need more insight on this whole relationship. I feel alone and confused. I also want to know what other areas I should look into to find fulfillment besides my daughter; like a hobby or something. What is my calling? I pray continually to not fall back into addiction because I know myself and am very weak.
Anonymous
Dear I Know The Truth,
Perception, judgment, and the stories, scripts, and truths we tell ourselves heavily mold, shape, and define our reality.
Your internal belief system is built upon a false narrative that you continue to replay and reinforce with yourself. “My life has been a roller coaster of addiction and uncertainty; my upbringing was not good; I know I have a lot of issues; I am honestly surprised we are still together; I am very weak, etc.”
All these narratives may have been true in the moment, however, today is a new day. Is it honest, Yes. Are you still that same person, No. So, STOP PLAYING THESE WORN-OUT RECORDS!!!
You are not weak, you are strong! You are not these experiences; you are simply the person / soul who experienced them. You are not defined by your experiences but rather refined by them unless you are. It is a choice to grow and move beyond each life experience.
In separating yourself from these experiences you gain a greater perspective of their true value and purpose. This allows you to penetrate the issues to their core. To gain deep wisdom, insight, and enlightenment.
To mine the depths of the seabed floor for precious pearls of wisdom, you must first be willing to enter the vastness that is the ocean. Open yourself to this journey of self-discovery. Your empowerment will rise tenfold while your insecurities simultaneously diminish.
Strength will pour forth from your awakened state of consciousness and you will “see” your life for the very first time. Every beautiful facet of your soul’s journey. Your journey of renewal and rebirth. Every human being holds this innate truth, power, and wisdom in the center of their being, their soul.
From this state of grace and purity all becomes clear.
Your husband isn’t as much “using you for his own convenience” as he is intimidated by you. Whether consciously or unconsciously acknowledged, his aloofness stems from his own insecurities of being with you.
In his mind, if you’re going to leave him anyway, why should he engage with you fully? This self-preservation is ultimately self-defeating because you eventually bring about what you were attempting to avoid, pain, loss, abandonment, etc.
Trust will go a long way in mending you, your husband, and your relationship. Focus on trusting who you are today. Focus on trusting yourself more. Focus on rewriting your story. Focus, and trust. The rest of what you seek, fulfillment, hobbies, your calling, etc. will naturally and organically present themselves as a result.
You can’t force time any more than you can force fruit to ripen. All in divine time and order.