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Best Option
- SPOUSE/PARTNER/SIGNIFICANT OTHER
- BREAKUP/SEPARATION/DIVORCE
- DECISION/INDECISION
DearJames,
I have been with my husband for 15-years and married for 14 of them. Last year (exactly a year) we separated for 12 days because of the constant arguing. In those days, he made terrible decisions that are still hurting me. But he believes gossip and lives drama. He doesn’t see his weekend binders as a problem even though it always results in a brutal argument. Now we argue every single day because he believes I cheated even though I did not, and he throws these lies in my face daily.
We have a 14-year-old daughter together who is being hurt through all of this. I am hoping she doesn’t think this is how a husband treats his wife. I am so scared because while we were apart, I was sleeping on a friend’s couch and finally he told me to go ahead and sign a lease, so I did. Now it’s almost time to move and I don’t want to move with him knowing he will probably continue to threaten to leave me daily.
I’m also afraid of the devastation of a divorce. I was so ill when we were apart that I lost 20 pounds and weighed 89 pounds at the time. I’m afraid I’ll end up seriously sick this time but if I stay with him, I’ll continue to want to die.
He’s said awful things that I’ll never forget and lied more than I ever thought he could. Please tell me the best option I have and which I should pursue. I’m so scared and confused. This so-called Family is all I know. And my daughter has made things harder on me by lying and plotting against me with her dad. Please help.
Anonymous
Dear Best Option,
Freedom from tyranny is a gift you give yourself.
While this may be the only family you know, time is relative, and tomorrow is a new day.
Today, you need to summon every ounce of courage you can muster and move to free yourself from the grips of this ongoing, debilitating, relationship.
More important than hoping your daughter doesn’t come to believe that this is the way a husband treats his wife is the lesson you teach her by standing up for yourself or don’t by staying.
Woman of all ages, creeds, colors, and persuasions experience some form of domestic abuse during their lifetime.
It’s how they choose to rise above it, transcend it, move through it that is the real and vital testament to their being.
You are worthy. You are loved. You are one with all of creation.
God places no one upon this earth with the intention of suffering.
It is however our choice in so much as we decide how long we elongate our suffering and how long we wish to experience a particular lesson before we release it and return to our God given origin of peace, purity, and goodness.
Do not foretell yourself ill lest you become ill.
Instead foretell yourself LIBERATED, ABUNDANT, JOYFUL, EXALTED, HEALED!
Foretell the reality of yourself as WHOLE, COMPLETE, UNBURDENED, and PEACEFUL!
Foretell the story of your new beginning for it is what you create it to be.
Seek out the company of support groups whom you may lean upon in times of need while learning vital lessons of self-reliance, self-value, self-worth, and self-empowerment.
Fear not yesterday as it has already come and gone.
Instead, embrace today for the gift it is as it unfolds before you.
Cherish and give thanks for tomorrow for it is based upon what you create today.
Deliver independence unto yourself by loving yourself First, More, and Enough.
Only by loving yourself First, More, and Enough, are you able to provide for yourself, and then others.
Disengage from the arguments, the drama, the past.
In time the storm will pass, and you will find yourself on the sunny side of life once again.
Be Brave. Have Faith. And Love Yourself.