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I’m with a man that is still a child.  I need to move on.  I don’t want to hurt him, however, he’s bringing me down.  I love helping someone who’s willing to help themselves but he’s not and it’s getting depressing for me.  I need some backbone.


Dear Backbone,

The old English idiom, “be careful what you wish for because you might just get it,” should be blaring from the internal loudspeaker in your head.  You brought this man into your life because you wanted to “fix him”; I mean, “help” him.

It was only after you discovered that he didn’t want to be helped, because he fancies himself not broken, that you became dismayed and down.

You walked into this relationship with your eyes wide open: understanding every nuance of your plan.  How you were going to fix him: what needed to be fixed and exactly how long it would take.  You even had the finished version of this man etched in your minds eye.

Oh, how delicious it was all going to be, and then reality happened.

You forgot the most important ingredient of all…free will.  You attempted to substitute yours, for his and then became increasingly frustrated and dismayed as time went along.

This was a lesson about control, or the lack thereof.  This was about understanding the choices you are and were making.  This was about YOU, not him.  And now that you understand, first-hand, that this plan backfired and did not serve you or him well, it is indeed time to summon your backbone.

Summon your backbone so you will be honest with yourself about your intentions and the role you played in this relationship / experience.  Summon your backbone so you’ll have the courage to take full responsibility for all of your actions.

Summon your backbone so you’ll exit this relationship with dignity, grace and appreciation for all it has taught you.

Summon your backbone so you’ll say thank you to this man for being exactly what you wished for, for he played his part brilliantly.

Summon your backbone so you will move confidently forward in life understanding you need not help / fix another, unless they are desirous of your assistance.

Summon your backbone.