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Set Myself Free
- STARTING OVER
- MARRIAGE/ENGAGEMENT/WEDDING
- BREAKUP/SEPARATION/DIVORCE
DearJames,
I have been married for six years now. Two years after we were married, my husband told me that he did not love me and it has been nothing but an emotional roller coaster since then, which eventually led to a six-month separation. I am now back with my husband after he gave me the whole “I’ve changed, and things will be different speech.”
Nothing has changed, and again, I am regretting my decision to come back into this failure of a marriage, that I, during the separation, was determined to end, but did not, after falling for his false promises. How do I make sure not to fall back into his manipulation and set myself free for good?
Penny
Dear Set Myself Free,
It’s never easy, if not downright impossible, to ever recover the life and relationship you had the minute before you heard “I don’t love you.”
As painful as the truth may have been in that moment, you were given the gift of truth and freedom.
You chose to abandon it and your inner knowing all for the opportunity of healing a bruised and battered ego.
This was made easier by your husbands recanting of his position based solely on his realization and fear that he would now be single and alone.
He had it right the first time and so did you.
To quote the inimitable Maya Angelo, “People are always showing us who they are, believe them the first time.”
You need not wallow in pity, anger, self-righteousness, or resentment. You need only move forward, of your own accord, with courage, kindness, determination, and grace.
It’s not why you leave but how you leave that matters.
The lesson has been learned, the wound opened, closed, and re-opened again.
Give yourself the gift of freedom while at the same time thanking him for empowering you by presenting it to you in the first place.
This was a stale marriage from the word go, and you were willing to settle to go along – get along.
Now you have the gift of knowing that you need not settle in life and won’t be doing so again in the future.
Acts of grace and goodness often come to us in the harshest of circumstances because if they didn’t, we would never heed their discerning message of insight.
Don’t worry about how or when or even why, just do what you know needs to be done and move on with your life.
It’s precious and worthy of your utmost care, consideration, and attention.
Once you’re settled into your new place, space, and life, you’ll look back on this experience with gratitude.
Gratitude that you learned the lesson early on and that you had all the years ahead of you to love yourself and someone else while truly being loved in return.
Now that’s what the Universe calls WISDOM & BLESSINGS.