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No Choice But To Leave
- DATING/RELATIONSHIPS
- ABUSE/ABANDONMENT/NEGLECT
- BREAKUP/SEPARATION/DIVORCE
DearJames,
My boyfriend, I feel, has been very emotionally abusive. He always says horrible things to me and calls me names. It’s not like it’s every day mostly just when we fight, which is often. We fight because he goes out every single weekend and doesn’t come home until 5AM in the morning. I work Sat and Sun early in the morning and I feel like it’s disrespectful to come home so late when I must work.
We have a son who is almost three and he has to watch him on those days that he goes out and gets completely wasted and hung over and I hate that my son has to be around someone who is so hungover and not completely there.
The other night when he got home, I looked threw his phone and found a message from a girl that I know and I know her husband as well, it said oh baby I could talk dirty to you all night, but all the other messages she sent him had been deleted. So, I call this girl and she tells me that it’s just harmless flirting and that nothing happened, but I think that’s complete bullshit.
Then I also heard that he was talking to his ex’s mom about me telling her that I’m a bitch and crazy and he hates me and all this really hurtful stuff. So, I went and asked my boyfriend to explain, and he pretty much laughed in my face and said that since nothing happened, he didn’t do anything wrong!
I just wish I knew what he really did that night because he said he was at a friend’s house and that friend said he wasn’t there, so I feel like I have no choice but to leave him. But why in the back of my head is there something telling me to stay…. that’s what is really bothering me.
Anonymous
Dear No Choice But To Leave,
This situation is a wake-up call for you to love, love, love, yourself more. It’s not about others and their hurtful or disrespectful actions, for they are merely a reflection by which you may make better life choices.
That thing in the back of your head telling you to stay is fear. Fear that you won’t be able to make it on your own. Fear that you’ll have to raise your son on your own. Fear that no one else will love you. Fear Fear Fear
Take all of that fear and flush it down the toilet, along with all of the abuse and excuses you have willing endured up until this point. Self-respect is an inside job and it’s high time you learned how to treat yourself.
People only ever treat you the way you allow them to, or conversely the way in which you believe yourself to be worthy of. Clearly this boyfriend doesn’t respect himself, so why would he respect you or others.
His behavior and lack are his issues and yours are yours. Take the bull by the horn and make arrangements for you and your son to have and live a better life. Life is full of choices and you are choosing to stay and subject yourself to this abuse.
Every relationship takes two people and no one person is guilty or innocent. However, when a relationship has passed its expiration date, it’s time to recognize that and stop wallowing in the sour stench of it all.
Whether he actually cheated on you or simply texted back and forth with this other woman doesn’t matter. What does matter is the fact that this man lacks self-respect and respect for others; otherwise he would not carry on with a married woman, or any women for that matter, innocently or otherwise, while he is in a committed relationship.
It’s time to move swiftly and gracefully out of this relationship and begin again: You, your son, and your dignity and self-respect.
Stay single until you’ve learned to enjoy your own company.
Stay single until you know you don’t need another to be happy and fulfilled. Stay single until you love yourself enough to choose a better man.
By doing so, you’ll never place yourself in a similar situation again, and that is something both you and your son will cherish for a lifetime.