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Where Do I Stand
- BREAKUP/SEPARATION/DIVORCE
- INFIDELITY
- SELF-VALUE/WORTH/CONFIDENCE
DearJames,
My husband, children and I were living with his parents as we were trying to save money for a down payment on a home. During this time, I was in a traumatic car accident and was temporarily disabled. This caused many problems at home. My in laws were unable to help me with my 2 boys so my sister began to take care of them for me.
During this time, my husband agreed to let my in laws take complete control of our bank account that does not have my name on it due to poor credit, which included money given to my husband while I was in the hospital from the insurance company.
When I returned home and started physical therapy, my mother-in-law and I began to argue about anything and everything that had to do with my marriage. Three months later I am now living with my mother and on the brink of divorce.
Two days ago, my husband slipped and said that he had gone to a strip club for lunch one day. After looking at the bank account, I found this had happened quite a few times. He said that there were no dancers, and he was never approached for a lap dance and that he only went because the food is cheap and good.
I tried to tell him how this makes me feel, but all he said was that my feelings are blown out of proportion because he didn’t cheat on me. I feel gross, like my body isn’t good enough and that I am not loved by the man I had hoped to spend my life with.
All of this took place when I was in the hospital near death and soon after returning home. I don’t know if I want to continue with this marriage. I feel it in my being that he has been unfaithful and how do you work on that if he will not be truthful or allow me to be upset?
Where do I stand in my relationship with my husband? What are my husband’s intentions in this marriage? Is he cheating? I want a healthy relationship for my boys and for my husband and me. What move do I make next? Please help by telling me like it is. I’m having a very difficult time right now.
Anonymous
Dear Where Do I Stand,
In no uncertain terms, the writing is on the wall for this relationship / marriage.
When any relationship lacks the simple courtesies of respect, care, and compassion, it’s a sure sign to remove yourself from it.
There are only ever two people in any given relationship, regardless of the dynamic.
Thus, the journey is always a two-way street, and no one ever said the lanes are paved with equal or fair intentions.
Cheap and Good food can be found at home, one need not place themselves in a strip club to find such generous faire.
Underlying all this mischievous behavior, visits to a strip club, the moving and changing hands of money or better stated, control of the money, the lack of care and concern, let alone actual support, all point to a very selfish, self-centered, unconscious, unhappy individual.
That said, you married this man for a reason, and the reason is apparent in your latter statement: “I feel gross, like my body isn’t good enough and that I am not loved by the man I had hoped to spend my life with.”
You brought this man into your life so you would learn the lessons and values of self-worth, self-love, self-value, self-dignity…All Things Self!
And it is high time you thanked him for these lessons and sent him packing.
No one is meant to endure suffering, it is simply our adversarial position to change that allows, causes, and elongates it.
Change in the form of discernment of the lessons we sought, and their inherent transcendence is the prize.
Do not become the lessons he teaches you, TRANSCEND THEM!!!
You are a beautiful, whole, complete being, created in God’s likeness.
You ARE love. You need not seek its validation externally any more than you should suffer its withdraw or withholding at the hands of another.
Life is precious. Your life is precious. And it is high time you came to this realization and forged a new pathway forward for yourself and your children.
Align every ounce of your being with this truth. Continually place one foot directly in front of the other. Listen to your inner soul guidance and then behold the miracles, both large and small, that present themselves.
God’s greatest gifts to all in life are joy, happiness, peace, and love. You need only surrender to this fact to feel its truth and presence in your life.
Believe in this, and all the decisions you make henceforth become crystal clear.