When She Looks At Me

There is no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to come out and tell it the way I am receiving it.  She sees a lifetime of disappointment.  Both for all the things she and you couldn’t be or weren’t able to be.

She sees failure and this has caused much heartache and misery for each of you over the years.  She lost her way many years ago and then somehow wrapped all of her hopes, dreams, wishes and identity in life in you, only for you to “continually disappoint her.”

This disappointment was never yours and you will serve yourself well to understand this and come to terms with it.  She and she alone carries the weight and burden of her self-imposed disappointments.

Each of you are beings of free will and thusly, are entitled to live your lives as you choose.  One is not dependent upon the other in that sense, and if it is made to be so, it is done so falsely.

Your mother has seen you since the day you were born and most likely before that, as children often times come to mothers/parents in the dream state before they ever arrive.

In rejecting you, she rejected herself.  In denying you love, empathy, understanding and compassion, she denied it to herself.

Thus, a lifetime of self-inflicted suffering has occurred manifesting in severe and chronic dis-ease.  This is not an easy journey and the sadness that surrounds the current situation is incredibly palpable.

Whether or not your mother is willing, able or capable of demonstrating her love to you before her transition and passing, demonstrate yours for her.  Remember, one is not dependent upon the other.

In this, you are able to release the years of negativity and abandonment by forgiving her and replacing it with love, empathy and understanding.  This is a gift you will give your-self, your soul and in the years to come, you will reflect on this defining moment of forgiveness fondly.

Redefine your relationship by redefining your thoughts, feelings, emotions and judgments.

Be what she has not yet been able to be.  See her in a way only you are able to see her: vulnerable, weak, and in need of love, compassion and forgiveness.  Then pray that all of the angels hear your prayers and release you both from this suffering.

By forgiving her, you forgive yourself.  By loving her, you love yourself.  By freeing her, you free yourself.  May this journey of purity be eternal for you both.