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How To Forgive

DearJames,

It’s often been said that the road to happiness after a divorce is forgiveness.

In the case of a narcissistic partner who is incapable of taking responsibility for their actions (cheating, lying, etc.) the process of forgiving them is made more difficult.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) has become a highly recognized disorder, however, therapists currently have no way of dealing with this, and therefore a spiritual path would be the only way.

What are your recommendations for dealing with an individual suffering from this disorder and how to forgive them for something they have no awareness of?

Jim

Dear How to Forgive,

To recognize something in others, we must first be aware of the possibility of its existence within ourselves.

Every soul exchange is a mirror / opportunity by which we may see and experience ourselves at greater degrees of magnification.

NPD is merely a label to identify the underlying, unaddressed, unresolved collective condition contained within any one souls magnification of Self.

What makes each person tick? What supports individual growth and development? What undermines it and tears it to shreds?

These questions, and how we deal with each of them and more, lie at the heart of whether or not any one soul will consciously or unconsciously choose to exhibit and experience NPD.

NPD is, in and of itself, a coping mechanism adopted by the personality in order to survive.

No one singular occurrence or event creates such a manifestation, but rather a long and protracted series of magnifications are the culprit.

Persons exhibiting NPD are usually attempting to masquerade greater deficiencies within themselves, which may include heightened levels of entitlement, fear, insecurity, self-loathing, lack of self-value, self-worth, self-confidence, abuse, etc., to name a few.

In their world/reality, everything isn’t as it appears, and thus they lack the customary coping and relationship skills necessary to lead “normal, balanced lives.”

To say I’m sorry or admit responsibility is tantamount to death itself.

They are both the Victim and the Bully: an inescapable cycle of torment, that ultimately destroys.

How do you deal with such an individual?

Love them from afar, until they are willing and able to be honest with both themselves and others, make appropriate, equitable, commensurate amends, and seek professional remedial care so as to establish a new and improved foundation.

How do you forgive them?

By first forgiving your Self.

Forgiveness implies transgression by or of another, but certainly always of oneself. Either way, Self is at the center of all transgression.

Thus, forgiveness is not dependent upon its acceptance by or offering to another, rather forgiveness is solely dependent upon its offering to and acceptance by Self.

As an extension of Self, one may also wish to offer or receive forgiveness from others, in those circumstances, offer it without attaching any expectation, outcome or result. Seek it however, at your own peril.

Forgiveness of Self is the salve you seek.

Focus there, leaving the rest to heal on its own accord.

DearJames®