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Friendship vs. Relationship
- LOVE
- DATING/RELATIONSHIPS
- PAST/FUTURE
DearJames,
I dated a man for a while, we broke up, got back together again, and then broke up a second time. We did not talk for 6-months, then reconnected a year ago, and he has become a dear friend who also helped me through a big life change. The lines seem blurry to me now. It feels like we are dating again, as we communicate almost daily. We spend a significant amount of time together when he is stateside (he lives overseas). We rely on each other for almost everything. In fact, we even joke about the fact that we need each other’s opinion for most everything. Our relationship is better than it ever has been. Is it going to evolve into more?
Amy
Dear Friendship Vs. Relationship,
Sometimes we really should just let “sleeping dogs lie.” The reason everything is working so well right now is because there are no expectations.
It’s taken you both a long time to get to this point, and whether it’s simply platonic or a friend with benefits type of situation, the reason it’s working is because neither of you is pressing the other for more.
You’re somewhat getting the best of each other under circumstances and conditions that work for each of you.
However, when things were hot and heavy between you, you split up twice and didn’t speak to one another for six months.
You’ve seen the movie, been to the play, and asked for a refund both times. What more do you need to know to properly classify this as either a “friendship” or an “ex”?
To attempt yet again, to label this man your boyfriend or significant other is merely delaying the inevitable, a third strike – you’re out (lessons learned) break-up.
Distance makes everything look and feel better, just like the comfort of having someone to come home to when you are home.
It alleviates the loneliness or need to search out companionship for him while giving you much of the same comfort and security. However, it’s built on a faulty premise and foundation.
One of these days he will return home for good or be permanently stationed elsewhere, and the reality of what was mutual convenience, will turn very quickly into unrequited expectation.
There’s a reason for everything, and the multiple break ups of yesterday and comfortable conveniences of today are no exception.
You each remain sheepishly silent on the topic of whether you are simply friends or kindred lovers because you each know that discussion will spoil the mojo.
SO, you have a choice to make.
Continue as you are for the time that it lasts or face the truths you already know to be true and begin the process of truly making this a friendship so you may avail yourself of the opportunity to be in a genuine, committed, loving relationship with someone else.
Either way…Change is on the Horizon.