FEELING FRUSTRATED & DISMISSED

This is certainly one of those times where a little grace on both your parts would have gone a long way. Your partner had the opportunity to simply answer your question instead of allowing it to trigger him: we’ll get to that in a minute. And likewise, you had the opportunity to de-escalate the situation by not taking the bait. Ultimately, and with good reason, the exchange left you feeling wounded, frustrated, and dismissed. Of course there was another option. Since you and others were involved in the planning, you could have simply contacted one of them to see if anyone had made a reservation instead of unnecessarily involving your partner; innocent as it was.

Sometimes the path of convenience triggers unspoken, unresolved issues that are festering just below the surface. And here is where your partner was triggered. His discomfort with your mild obsessing and control that results in anxiety is the root of his dismissive response, demonstrating a lack of patience and grace with both you and the underlining issue. Whether each of you are in this relationship for the long haul or not, it would behoove him and the relationship to invest in individual counseling as you are and couples counseling to work through the unspoken aspects between you.

The old saying “get it where you are” speaks to another great saying: “Everywhere you go, there you are.” No matter where each of you go or with whom you go, the opportunity remains the same; it is incumbent upon each of us to face our issues and become the change we wish to see in ourselves, in our world, and certainly, in our relationships.

This is a “we” issue, not a you or him issue. When each party in a relationship demonstrates the willingness to invest in the relationship, growth occurs. And while the anxiety may be “yours,” how it affects each of you individually and collectively is different. Thus, individual and couples counseling offers each of you the opportunity to first understand the issue, then deal with how it affects you individually and collectively, and opens the way for greater understanding, empathy, and compassion with self and others, ultimately affording each of you the opportunity to create new avenues of communication.

Communication in any relationship, be it romantic, platonic, professional or the like is key. For healthy communication to not only exist, but thrive, it requires a willingness to engage and address – face the tough stuff in life…in relationships. Letting go demonstrates wisdom and forgiveness, both of self and others. Precious commodities money can’t buy. That said, discernment is also a necessary component so one recognizes whether they have a genuine, vested partner willing to do “the works” to maintain and grow a healthy relationship.

Two staple idioms worth knowing and living by are first “Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness” and the second, “People only treat you the way you allow them to.” A Maya Angelou favorite is a third: “People are always showing you who they are, believe them the first time.” Genuine wisdom ensconced in truth. These idioms are shared for the purpose of deeper wisdom and awareness. How we go through life and with whom is important.

Should your partner apologize to you? Yes. Should you let it go? Yes, as long as letting it go is the exception and not the rule in the relationship. One-way streets never allow for two-way traffic. Yield to what you know is true as you continue navigating life and this partnership, allowing your inner knowing – compass to guide you accordingly. And Yes, you were right in the purity of your intentions to inform the restaurant of your large party while also confirming they had the ability to seat you. Hopefully you all enjoy the impromptu birthday celebration.

Many Blessings,