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Breaking Through


I recently ended an on again off again 5-year relationship with a man I love. We had an intense connection and it ended badly. Now I feel very broken.

Rationally I know that this relationship is over, and I do truly want us both to be happy. I feel like I need to grow on my own, face my issues, heal, and recover, and yet I am terrified and am really clinging to him, scared to go on!

I am so exhausted battling old habits and I know I am so close to breaking through, so why can’t I let myself??? I would appreciate any insight you have to offer.


Dear Breaking Through,

To enjoy the fruits of any garden, you must first be willing to continually tend to and weed out all potential harm, lest it overcome a veritable treasure.

Attachment to any outcome, person, place, thing, belief, need, desire, result, or situation require examination and elimination for things to grow naturally…organically. Buddhism teaches “the root of all suffering is attachment.” Release/Remove the attachment, and the suffering ceases to exist.

At play here is far more than attachment to any one person, but rather attachments to what you believe he represents in your life. Perceived love, stability, success, familiarity, passion, self-value, self-worth and/or the combined lack thereof.

Lurking around every corner is the underlying fear that if you really release all these attachments in your life, will you be better off, or will you somehow simply cease to exist. So, you cling to the beast(s) you know, elongating your suffering.

The answer is OF COURSE YOU WILL BE BETTER OFF, however, you must first recognize your attachments and release them. That is what will free you. That, and you must learn to trust yourself. Be willing to be brutally honest with yourself. Review this relationship, all it has taught you, who and where you would like to be in life, and with whom. Take stock of your life to see what needs tending and weeding.

Each reflection offers you the opportunity to be truthful with yourself. Move with deliberate determination. Address each attachment or issue with new eyes. Empowered and unencumbered, the possibilities and ways by which spirit may guide and direct you forward are limitless.

Ultimately, the path to personal freedom and transformation lies within. Your willingness to transcend suffering, caused by attachment, is a choice. A choice that ensures a bountiful and beautiful, self-sustaining garden of cherished gifts. Gifts that nourish in return.