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Am I Invisible
- DRUGS/ALCOHOL
- ABUSE/ABANDONMENT/NEGLECT
- MENTAL ILLNESS/HARMFUL THOUGHTS-BEHAVIOR/SUICIDE
DearJames,
I want to be successfully happy and loved, yet it seems to elude me. I have such a difficult time getting to a place of clarity when it comes to my intentions…. I feel like an accident just floating past what most grab hold of. I have never felt like I fit in anywhere in my life, even within my family nucleus. It doesn’t matter how nice or generous I am, I am always ostracized.
I wonder if I was grotesquely abused because strong emotions raise up inside of me whenever I hear of some horrible abuse towards a child or infant it almost feels like my soul is weeping, groaning, and rumbling from some internal angst as if it is happening to me. I really don’t want to be, or sound like a victim, yet I don’t know how to express my experiences without my sounding like that. Three years ago I incurred a 5150 and was institutionalized for observation after a domestic violence situation and accidental suicide attempt. Even after going through CBT for 6 weeks, still ended up becoming addicted to street drugs in the latter season of my life… Who does that!!!???
I’ve meditated, used visualization techniques, journaling, and counseling yet I can never seem to make the internal heart contact to see myself in the places and spaces I desire. Am I invisible?
Gigi
Dear Am I Invisible,
Every creation of the Universe is visible: if unto no one else, other than itself. You continually see yourself and are challenged by what you see and feel. This is normal, not abnormal.
To be created in the creator’s likeness, we must come to understand and accept our polarities, everything, and nothing, light and dark, love and hate, ease, and dis-ease.
In your specific case, you are tilted like scales that are in need of balance. You suffer from a chemical imbalance of the brain, much like the dis-order known as bipolar disorder.
Your diet is also in need of balance. Your dependency on sugary sweets and other hypoglycemic foods, fuels and exacerbates your neurological condition, thus sending you on a continual cycle or current, if-you-will, of highs, lows and not-too-often mediums.
Begin at the beginning by investigating these elements without judgment, suspicion or ridicule. To live just one day in peace: is worth a lifetime of acceptance.
Empower yourself to accept the facts and swiftly move to diagnose and treat your imbalance(s). It will take time to regulate your medication(s), however, by immediately implementing healthy dietary choices and exercise, while your doctors work with you to find the proper medications / dosages to balance your scales, you will be expediting your arrival to a new and more peaceful / accepting you.
Your anguish with abuse stems from lives gone by whereby you suffered great loss at the hands of others. Thus, it has “carried over” into this lifetime, and so you will seek to transcend it once and for all.
However, you must begin at the beginning, in order to transcend each component successfully. One cannot expect to safely drive 100+ MPH on the autoroute: if the vehicle by which they attempt this feat has not been properly maintained.
Like all high-performance vehicles, of which the human body, soul and spirit are one; they run best when operated and maintained properly. Scheduled maintenance is mandatory, as it not only elongates the life of the vehicle; but also provides its user the ability to see what components are in need of care, concern or replacement.
Fine tune / freshen your internal engine and you’ll come to enjoy a much smoother, calmer, peaceful ride throughout life.