Accepting My Children

The issue you are experiencing happens more times than I care to mention.  At times it is expressed by not only the adult/parent but also by the child / children.  The root cause of this behavior is feelings of lack and limitation within oneself.

All anyone really wants in life is to be loved, to belong to something.  It validates our very existence and reassures us that we are “not alone in the world.”  Children are especially vulnerable to these feelings and look to their caregivers for love and reassurance.

Your current husband entered your life knowing you had three amazing children.  He was not blind or ignorant to this fact and should have made life decisions for himself and the four of you based on his true feelings and these easily discernible facts.

At the same time, you held an equal, if not greater share of responsibility, to discern his level of care, commitment, love, and loyalty to not only yourself, but also your three children before ever agreeing to marry.

Both of you made deliberate choices to enter this marriage while either not communicating fully and effectively and/or by overlooking specific feelings, concerns, behaviors, etc., believing that somehow with time, they would correct themselves.

That is a dangerous and calculated risk for rarely do people end up being someone other than the person they demonstrated themselves to be all along.  It is incredibly easy to enter relationships, especially when one is in need of attention, love and care themselves.  And here, I sense that each of you placed your individual needs above those of these three children.

When you choose to bring children into the world, sacrifices on behalf of the parent(s) are a requirement, not an option.  When you choose to enter a relationship where children are part of the package, that same requirement holds true.

You need not be the biological parent to realize the mandate impressed upon those in a position of power, care, and responsibility of children.  It is a universal mandate and one that is all too often abandoned, ignored or downright neglected.

You each have a responsibility to do better by these now four children.  While blood may be thicker than water, bonds of all variety are made on a daily basis.  It is a choice you make to love another fully, wholly and in this instance you and your husband need to do everything within your power to love, care and honor these four children.

And if that is not an achievable outcome, then you need to be willing to do what each of you should have done in the first place; be willing to see the truth for what it is, be honest with yourselves and each other, and make sound choices that demonstrate your love and commitment to the welfare and wellbeing of these beautiful young souls.

They deserve better and it can be accomplished, you both need only make daily conscientious choices to love them equally…fully.