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Ready To Move On
- BREAKUP/SEPARATION/DIVORCE
- FEAR
- PAST/FUTURE
DearJames,
After thirteen years of marriage to someone I can no longer trust, I am finally ready to move on. But now I find that the burden of getting out is overwhelming. I have worked diligently for years to restore my credit and now I face losing a home and having my credit destroyed. Plus having to stay with him until we can get it all settled is taking its toll on my nerves. I am rarely scared of anything, but this has me rattled. I have two children and I am worried for them as well. I would like advice on how to best handle this situation.
Anonymous
Dear Ready To Move On,
Nothing is more important than the safety and wellbeing of you and your children. That is non-negotiable.
As you already know, credit can be rebuilt. Yes, it will take time, effort, and diligence, however, it can be rebuilt.
The same goes for a home, for home is where the heart is, it’s where you make it.
Whether it’s in a crammed one-bedroom apartment or in your mother’s home or in the home you already share with your soon to be ex-husband, the point is to not worry, as you will make it HOME.
The sooner you and your husband reach an amiable understanding and agreement, the sooner all of you move forward in your lives. It’s not about the past, it’s about the present future, your future – your present day.
By letting go of any material items, you free yourself from the past. Now I’m not advocating that you role over and take just any arrangement your husband may desire, but I am encouraging you to really look at what’s important to you and to base your decisions with that at the forefront of your mind.
Divorce is never easy, as most everyone feels wounded, damaged, and entitled, and often seeks to come out of the relationship / divorce, whole and complete and/or ahead of the other party. Children are used as weapons, and in the end, everyone suffers.
Choose the higher road even if it was your husband’s lying in the gutter that led you to this point. His actions may have run afoul of your commitment, however, the breakdown in communication and the lack of shared goals and interests that preceded it was really the culprit.
Be centered and calm while extracting yourself from the marriage by remembering there are no victims, only opportunities to learn, evolve and grow. Yes, at times, some of life’s lessons (aka opportunities) are cloaked and challenging to bear, however, you are resilient and more than capable of weathering this or any storm that may come your way.
Once this storm passes, the sun will return to reignite your world, and you’ll find yourself grateful for having loved and learned versus never having loved at all.
Walk confidently, carry a Big Stick, knowing you never really need to use it. It’s just there to remind you of your inherent power and empowerment.