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Is She Using Me
- ABUNDANCE/PROSPERITY/WEALTH
- ACCOUNTABILITY/RESPONSIBILITY
- SELF-VALUE/WORTH/CONFIDENCE
DearJames,
My mother had four children and only two of us remain. She has always put me on the blackball list while she gave to abundantly to the others. Now with only two of us remaining, my sister and I, she has found out my sister has used her to gain properties and still she only uses me to be the bad guy when needed. She made a will leaving my sister and one of her 8 grandchildren all three properties along with all her finances to them.
I have been left as a question mark. And now that my sister has washed her hands of her so-to-speak, I am left driving over an hour to her home to help her with her finances, write checks, and go through boxes of paperwork that have some type of value; all for her to make false promises to give me 10 acres that she has already left lifetime rights to my deceased brothers girlfriend.
I leave her exhausted and drained every time. My mother is not educated yet she is shrewd and greedy, and I don’t want to see her go broke at 88 years old because of my sister and her one adult grandchild that lives with her. They both have used her, but I can’t keep helping her and hoping she will give me the property that my deceased father gave to me. Am I fighting a losing battle?
Please understand that my mother is a very wealthy woman. I just want to know if she is using me as she did in the past or are her intentions true.
Anonymous
Dear Is She Using Me,
While the scenario you describe is challenging to say the least, the better questions to ask yourself are “Why am I allowing myself to be used?” Why am I allowing another individual to dictate and determine my worth? Why am I doing things that leave me “exhausted and drained” for material gain? Why do I choose to continue to take part in this scenario? When will I let go of what does not serve me? When will I learn, release, and transcend the lessons my soul chose to experience?
Beneath the years or even lifetimes of harm, hurt, and betrayal lies the opportunities, pearls, gifts, and wisdom these soul experiences afford. To break free from the chains that bind you, liberates you. You need not “do what you do,” all in the hopes she recognizes you for the beautiful soul that you are and bequeaths you the 10 acres your father “gave” / wished you to have. Ultimately, you may pay a price far too high for the validation of self by others and still never receive it. The only validation you require is the self-validation you give yourself.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Should you genuinely desire to assist your mother, do so, however, do so with no strings attached. There are other avenues available to you to legally challenge the outcome of the disposition of assets should that become necessary. Equally available to you is the choice to simply walk away from it all, liberating yourself once and for all from the dis-ease of these family dynamics. People only treat you the way you allow them to, so, decide where your boundaries are in this dynamic and draw a firm line in the sand with yourself.
Others will continue to treat you the way you allow them to; thus, it is you who must decide for yourself what you will or will not accept, and at what price. If you knew now, what may occur later, would you continue your current behavior and acts of assistance, or would you walk away? At some point you are going to have to face the issues you fear by facing them head on. Otherwise, you remain locked in a passive-aggressive, hopeful-anger-filled, resentful cycle; one whereby no one truly wins.
So, face yourself. Face your mother. You have the opportunity while she is alive to request that she legally execute and record the necessary *legal documents that will convey to you the ten acres you mention upon her passing. No more “false promises” as actions speak louder than words! Should your mother decline to do so, you will have your answer and will then be able to make informed choices and decisions for yourself. And the only reason you wouldn’t do so is out of fear. Fear that she will say no. Fear that you will not receive the 10 acres. Fear. Fear. Fear.
Like all things, fear is simply energy. So, either harness the energy of fear to propel you forward or allow it to immobilize you. The Choice Is Yours.
* A transfer-on-death deed (TOD deed) is the type of deed that conveys property ownership upon the owner’s death, according to LegalZoom. It allows the owner to designate one or more beneficiaries who will inherit the property without the need for probate. This deed is also known as a beneficiary deed, revocable transfer on death deed, or “Lady Bird” deed, depending on the state. Please consult a legal professional who may assist and advise you further.