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Desperation To Breathe
- ADDICTION
- DRUGS/ALCOHOL
- LIFE DIRECTION/PURPOSE
DearJames,
I am 50-years old and will be married 31-years this November. I am married to an alcoholic and have lost a beautiful home, cars, and other possessions. Being able to have my beautiful 4-year-old granddaughter spend time in my new home that my mother purchased for us, etc. We currently pay the loan on the new home; however, I keep it in my mother’s name as I do not want to lose this home too.
Some days I feel such a desperation to breathe. My husband retired from work at the age of 48 and really does nothing except drink and sleep all day, every day, 24/7. He has tried two rounds of rehab that have not worked.
I love him and want the man I fell in love with back. We could still have an amazing life and I need to know if you see a change, and in what manner. Thank You.
Tired of Loss
Dear Desperation To Breathe,
I wish I could tell you that the road ahead is filled with miraculous change however you would know immediately the disingenuous falsehood of every word.
Somewhere locked in the vast space of the past your husband lost his will to live.
It came upon him suddenly and without warning. One day he was the man you knew, loved, and married and the next he was a shell of his former self: absent, distant, and void.
Alcoholism is a horrific disease that destroys the very best of those it touches and consumes.
It eviscerates happiness, joy, and stability leaving in its wake uncertainty, fear, anger, resentment, and pain.
It begins as a coping mechanism, a cover up, and quickly turns into an all-encompassing, all-consuming, debilitating dependency.
Alcoholism also masks and/or exacerbates other neurological sufferings such as depression, bi-polar disorder, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, etc.
It’s excruciatingly painful to watch the steady and often rapid dissent of a loved one consumed by alcoholism.
For your husband to make any sort of improvement or recovery, he is going to need specialized care and treatment.
Addressing his alcoholism is but one facet of the myriad of medical issues he faces after such prolonged alcohol use and abuse, not to mention the undiagnosed / addressed depression / bi-polar disorder.
He must be willing to undergo psychiatric testing and evaluation, in concert with medically managed detoxification and rehab to glimpse daylight at the end of a very long tunnel.
There is a glimmer of hope that he will earnestly embark on this journey of resurrection as it is treatable.
However, he must be willing to fight the good fight by opening himself to a new and improved way of being, coping.
It is doable but distant. Only you know how much breath you have left within you to help shoulder this burden.
If you haven’t already, please immediately seek out assistance from such support groups as Al-Anon (al-anon.org) and DBSA Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (dbsalliance.org)
Ultimately, you have every right to free yourself and every right to stay and fight the good fight.
No one can answer which one is ultimately best for YOU except YOU. Each holds varying valuable soul lessons, experiences, and opportunities.
May Peace Be With You.