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Correct Next Move
- PARENT/GUARDIAN
- MONEY/DEBT/FINANCES
- LIFE DIRECTION/PURPOSE
DearJames,
What is the correct next move to get my family into a better living situation? We would like to buy a house, but if renting temporarily is the best next move, for us to get not just a better house, but the house we want, then that’s OK too. What is the best way to get my 16-year-old son to start participating in moving forward into an adult life instead of just sitting around, skipping school, smoking pot, and playing video games? His Dad is no help, and I just can’t turn my back on him.
Anonymous
Dear Correct Next Move,
Communication is key here as everyone in the household is playing a role in its ongoing demise.
The silence, judgments, condemnations, resentments, fears, and overall fatigue have left everyone bereft.
Screaming and yelling have become the comforter. Absolution in alternate realities fueled by video games and drugs become the silencer. The cherished family unit becomes the casualty.
It happens over and over and over again because individual fears, fatigue, and lack of accountability triumph over encouragement, commitment, and communication.
When the household lacks leadership, the rest of the village occupants run rampant.
The same is true for overbearing and oppressive leadership resulting in acts of escapism by other family members.
To have a healthy household, you must have healthy, balanced, mutual accountability, communication, and respect.
Open communication, trust, love, respect, firm yet reasonable rules, guidelines and boundaries, a commitment to each other’s wellbeing, are essential.
All these elements and many more play a vital role in creating and maintaining a happy home.
When you lack any one of these elements and you decline to rise to the occasion to discuss and correct it, mayhem ensues.
Your first order of business is for you and your husband to get on the same page.
You’re either in this together, in the same boat rowing in opposite directions, not rowing at all, or only one rowing.
Regardless of the circumstance, these are issues in need of fixing, and everyone is accountable and responsible and has a hand in righting the course.
Family and/or individual counseling is also a consideration.
As this situation is tenuous, renting would be the preferred option until you have a firm understanding of how your family is going to function in the future.
Purchasing a home is a commitment. Raising a family is a commitment. Respecting and loving one another is a commitment. Being responsible and accountable to each other is a commitment.
Commit to openly engaging your family on these matters and see where the journey takes you.
The future is bright, it just may take some serious course-correcting and adjusting to achieve it.