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At My Wits End

Child / Children / Grandchildren , Stress , Decision / Indecision

DearJames,

I am having issues with my daughter.

She has three kids, is mad at the world, and I try to help all I can. She doesn't appreciate anything, and it is draining me in every way.

I have prayed and am at my wits end with this. Is there any advice or insight you can give me on this matter? I don't even know where to begin or how to even start this process.

Anonymous

 

Dear At My Wits End

As the old adage goes, “you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make them drink."

The spirit of a wild horse may never be tamed, but it will certainly mellow and mature as the years pass.

Your daughter is holding onto something deeply rooted in her past, and thus is acting up and lashing out.

It's as if she holds you accountable and responsible for her life's circumstances, failing to realize that she is the master of her own self-made course and choices.

Currently, her every act is directed at defying you, hurting you, causing you to feel the pain, anger, and anguish she carries.

This is of course misguided, as each of us holds both the ability and the responsibility to see through any life illusion so as to discern the greater gift held within, regardless of the circumstances by which we achieve such experiences, and thus the transcendence and ascendance it affords.

It's not that she's a bad person, but rather that she is deeply wounded internally, and lacks the coping skills necessary to free herself from her own self-inflicted torment and cyclical behavior.

Perhaps it's time you stopped allowing her to hold you hostage.

Allow her to fall so she will finally see that regardless of what occurred in the past, you have always been the one there for her, have done the best you could, and the arrogance of her entitlement will not be tolerated.

You are not the cause of all that ails her, she is.

This is a painful choice/option; however, nothing will ever change if one of you is not willing to break the cycle.

It may get worse before it gets better. However, if you continually assist someone who openly defies you, disrespects and/or demeans you, and does not appreciate the assistance you offer, it serves no purpose other than to cause ongoing pain, heartache, disappointment, etc.

It's time for her to grow up and be the mature woman/daughter/mother she is capable of being.

The ball is squarely in her court, not yours. You've done your best, now it's her turn.

Be still. Be silent. And live your life; allowing her to do the same as she sees fit.

Walk in faith and release any attachment you hold to the outcome; allowing higher powers to both prevail and guide the way.

While it may be easier said than done, you will at a minimum, have taken the necessary steps to break the cycle, released any attachments to the outcome, restored inner peace and balance, and provided her with the opportunity to show up differently…or not.

That choice is hers. Yours is to realize the only person you have control over is you.

DearJames

 

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