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Selective Amnesia

Friendship , Family , Life

DearJames,

Why is it when I need help, people who I’ve helped in the past, get selective amnesia and forget that I was there for them? Why do I continually let myself be used by people? Please help me.

Anonymous

 

Dear Selective Amnesia

Every experience and person you encounter in your life is a mirror by which you are able to see yourself more clearly.

They are each characters in your own co-created play, playing the role you asked of them. Thus, there are no victims, only co-participants in simultaneous plays.

Who have you invited into your life and why? What are your conscious and/or unconscious motives and intentions in each experience, with each person? What does your soul desire to learn and experience by their presence?

Investigate these questions thoroughly and be willing to look inwardly first for your answers before looking outwardly at others.

By doing so, you'll gain the clarity and wisdom necessary to discern whether it is you who is out of alignment, them, or a combination thereof.

Either way you’ll be able to self-correct yourself first while you bring the issue to their attention in a kind, non-confrontational manner if necessary.

Most times simple heart-to-heart discussion and adjustments on each person’s part remedy the grievance. Other times it becomes abundantly clear that the gap between who you are and who they are is simply too wide to bridge and it’s time to release them and move on with grace and ease.

Remember, people only treat you the way you allow them to. And as the late great American poet Maya Angelou once said, “when people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”

Much of what you are experiencing does come down to discernment, self-worth, self-value, strength, courage, and the purity of your intentions, the quality of your decision making, and your willingness to consistently tend to and prune your own life garden.

In order to yield a greater and/or higher caliber crop, you must first be willing to demonstrate and reflect that same quality of authenticity, clarity, purity, etc. in yourself and then demand it in others if or when they fall short.

If you are not willing to call people out on their bad, less than, or disappointing behavior, you cannot earnestly expect them to behave differently.

You must be willing to set both the example and the boundaries you are willing to accept; and be willing to sever ties with someone if they continue to demonstrate they are simply not capable of or willing to reciprocate in-kind.

This is of course predicated on the principle of treating others as you would have them treat you. In other words, make sure your behavior and actions/interactions with them entitle you to cast stones in the first place.

Lastly, when you assist others, do so because you genuinely desire to do so, have zero expectation of receiving anything in return, and have no ulterior motive(s).

You’ll be the wiser for it, while those who fail to measure up fall by the wayside.

DearJames

 

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