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Just Trying Another Fix

Child / Children / Grandchildren , Abuse (Mental / Physical / Emotional / Sexual) , Communication / Miscommunication

DearJames,

My grown daughter hasn't completely dealt with her childhood sexual abuse and I'm concerned about the choices she's currently making in her life.

What will it take for her to see that all her perfectionistic attempts at happiness aren't the answer, and she may be just trying another "fix"?

Concerned Mom

 

Dear Just Trying Another Fix

Allowing another their souls journey can be challenging, especially as we bear witness to and believe they are making detrimental choices and decisions.

However, it is important to remain calm and detached, as every act at a universal level is both neutral and divine. It is only our perception of it that colors it so.

Accepting that, much stands in the way of your daughter achieving genuine peace and happiness, and that includes you; or better stated, your judgments and perceptions of her choices.

Rightly or wrongly, life is a process…a journey: and the more you allow your daughter the freedom to own and experience hers, the easier it’s going to be for all involved.

No one likes a backseat driver no matter how well intentioned and potentially accurate they may be.

What works for one, doesn’t necessarily work for all, or even another.

By surrendering and accepting your daughter’s process, you afford her the opportunity to come to you, when in need, instead of avoiding you out of necessity.

Clearly her “perfectionistic attempts at happiness” are a means of coping and controlling her current environment and life experiences while simultaneously overcompensating for her past experiences and what she perceives to be a damaged or diminished self.

Any attempts to point out this behavior, in the form of unsolicited judgment and/or opinion, only further distances herself from you, and ultimately from her true desired destination: inner peace, calm, and resolution.

So, to the best of your ability, allow her to grow, mature, and evolve on her own terms, while steadfastly remaining a source and presence of unconditional love, acceptance, hope and healing in her life.

In due course and time she will see how much you have changed and adapted, thus allowing her to respond accordingly.

Having met each other halfway, you will both finally find the common ground that allows the other to prosper and move forward: forever relinquishing the past and the hold it held over you.

DearJames

 

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